9. The Over-Attentive Waiter
“How’s everthing? Good? Am I putting too much weight on you? Is this position okay?"

It’s fantastic that you care so much about your partner's enjoyment, but when you feel the need to check in every time you move your genitals, it starts to feel like you’re a waiter trying to butter them up for a 20% tip because rent's due tomorrow. Just check in at necessary times and if they want dessert, they’ll order it.

8. She Who Keeps Cats in the Room
Cats want you to pay attention to them, so they start meowing or positioning themselves so that you’re the only thing they can see. The guy on top of you might be a little creeped out that the cat has decided to engage him in a staring contest, first one to lose an erection wins.

7. The Guy that Answers Rhetorical Dirty Talk Questions with Serious Responses
Dirty talk is a fun activity, but if you take it too seriously, you look like an asshole. Therefore when a woman asks you five times in a row, “How do you make me so wet?” and you give a real answer like, “I don’t know, maybe the angle.” And even though you whispered it in your sexy voice, it kills the mood.

6. The Person Who Doesn’t Turn Off Their Cell Phone
Cell phone rings are intended to get your attention, so leaving one on while you have sex is basically the same as bringing your mother into the room and asking her to scream.

5. The Screamer
On the surface, a woman who's so totally into and is screaming sounds like a great sexual experience. But in actuality, it's terrifying. The only thing going through your mind is, "Are the neighbors going to call the cops? Do they think I'm killing her? Is she faking this?"

4. The Guy Who Learned All His Bedroom Moves From Early ‘90s Slow Jams
If you were a boy born in the 70s, then you probably went through a phase of listening to “slow jams” by guys like Al B. Sure and Keith Sweat who said exactly what they were doing to a woman as they were doing it to her. But in real life, no woman wants to have some dude try to be really deep and stare at her straight in the eyes. Ladies like a little romance, they don’t want a Joe Buck-style play-by-play before, during and after intercourse.

3. The Cryer
If you’re a man and you start crying during sex, the first thing your lady is going to think is “a priest and/or uncle has been here before me.” Pedophilia kills the mood for everyone but pedophiles.

2. Mr. Hold On Let Me Put On This Dave Matthews Album
It’s great to create an atmosphere that’s conducive to love making, but running over to your computer and tossing on your “Pussy Rock Jams 2007” immediately makes your special lady feel like she’s at her junior prom and you’ve been waiting since first grade to touch her breasts.

1. Mr. I Go Straight for the Vagina
Women want you to put your penis inside them, that’s why they’ve gotten naked with you. But jamming your hand down there says to them “It is not a matter of consequence to me whether or not you enjoy the sexual intercourse we’re about to have. Surprisingly, when you only care about ejaculating on or in them, it’s a pretty large turn-off.