Red
A study conducted at the University of Rochester found that men prefer a lady in red. Just like that cheesy '80s song! Men looked at pictures of women in red and women in green. Sounds very Christmas-y. Men were more drawn to the gals in crimson. "These findings indicate that color not only has aesthetic value but can carry meaning and impact psychological functioning in subtle, important, and provocative ways," said researchers. [Times of India]

Chastity
In a study by HerCampus, one-fifth of all college-aged guys think having had 10 to 20 sexual partners makes a girl a "slut." Oh no. Not this "number" business again. I'm sure the other four-fifths of the college boys were just excited to be getting laid. But the results of the study weren't all bad. Over 30 percent of the guys polled said a "number" doesn't not make a girl a "slut." [HerCampus.com]

Cuddling
The Kinsey Institute did a study of 1,009 heterosexual, middle-aged couples in long-term committed relationships and found that the men who were happiest in their relationships were the ones that cuddled the most. So there you have it. A cuddle a day keeps the divorce lawyers away. Men around the world just screamed when they read that sentence. If science recommends it … let's cuddle!!! [Time]

Boobs
Researchers from New Zealand’s University of Wellington found that men LOVE looking at boobs. And they don't just LOVE looking at boobs. About half of the men in the study were found to look at boobs before they looked at faces. Also discovered: Most men will look at boobs longer than any other body part. The good news here is that breast size didn't matter one fig to these men. As long as you have boobs, they'll be looking. [Your Tango]

Sexy News Anchors
Two studies out of Indiana University found that when men watch sexually attractive female news anchors, they are less likely to remember the news. "Men's cognitive mechanisms favored visual over verbal processing," the study concluded. This may make it very difficult for your dude to stay informed on current events. Best switch him to news radio. [Miller-McCune]

Jerking Off
The 2009 National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior made a startling discovery about teenage boys: They love to masturbate. From the 800 teenagers, ages 14 to 17, polled, researchers found that teen boys jerk off more than teen girls masturbate, and teen boys start jerking off earlier than teen girls do. Absolutely shocking stuff. [U.S. News & World Reports]

Marriage
Thanks to a study conducted by Match.com, Rutgers University and Binghamton University, we can put the myth to bed that men don't want to get married. The sample group of 5,200 singles ages 21 to 65 found that men want to tie the knot just as much as women do. "The mechanisms for attachment for men and women are exactly the same. Just as many men want to get married as women do," said one of the scientists. Not only that, but the study showed that men had a greater inclination toward parenthood. [Time]

Showing Off
A study carried out by researchers at Rice, University of Texas at San Antonio and the University of Minnesota examined men's cars as they correlated to dating and relationship habits. You probably guessed that the men who bought Porsches were more interested in "short-term mating." That's the nice way of saying "casual sex." But no matter what type of car a a guy drives, the study found that men use their toys to show off for potential mates. "Just as peacocks have evolved to flaunt their wasteful tails before potential mates, men might similarly woo with wasteful expenditures to charm potential mates," said researchers.  [FOX]

Pumpkin Pie
Research has found that pumpkin pie is the scent that most enhances blood flow to the penis. “Throw away the perfume and go get some pumpkin pie,” said Dr. Alan Hirsch, Director of Chicago’s Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Center. More like slather it all over your entire body.  [WPBF.com]

No Tears
 A study found that our female tears emit signals that actually turn guys off. Male participants who sniffed “odorless tears” (do tears usually smell?) from women who cried during a sad movie had lower testosterone levels and were less sexually aroused by or attracted to the opposite sex than male participants who sniffed salt water. The explanation? Tears shed because of heightened emotion are chemically different than those that spill over when you’re, say, chopping onions.  [ABC News]

Health Insurance
According to an undeniably biased study done by eHealthInsurance.com, 90 percent of college students said that they would automatically find someone more attractive if he or she had one important quality … health insurance. A rare commodity indeed. Heed the call, co-eds. This may be only thing within your control when it comes to getting ahead in love.  [Consumerist]

Brunettes
The social network Badoo polled men in the UK and found that the majority of gentlemen prefer brunettes. About 33 per cent said they find women with brown hair the most attractive, while 29 percent were fans of black hair. Do your math. That's more than 60 percent of men who dig the dark-haired beauties. [Glamour]

Head Tilting
Researchers from University of Newcastle, Australia discovered that men are more attracted to women who give good head. I'm talking about head titlting, you dirty birds. The study indicated that a woman can make herself more attractive to the opposite sex by angling her face a certain way. Apparently, we look most “alluring” when we tilt our chins down and look up at the man. [ Telegraph]

via thefrisky.com

Plenty of guys will be hitting the weight room this summer before heading to the beach, but new research suggests that when it comes to winning over women, big muscles aren't always necessary. A new analysis by researchers at the University of Tennessee-Knoxville suggests that long ago, women started turning down strong, confident Alpha males in favor of Beta men who were more devoted. Here, a concise guide to the study: 

Why do researchers think that geeks rule?
The team of evolutionary biologists wanted to determine exactly when it was that humankind began settling into monogamous relationships. Using a computer model, they found that when early humans began congregating in large social groups to up their chances of survival, physically dominant Alpha men had their pick from multiple women. For lower-ranking Beta men (think "scrawny geeks") to obtain mates, they needed to devise a different approach to circumvent the pecking order.

What did Betas do?
The researchers posit that out of necessity, a Beta man would devote himself to a single woman at a time, providing her with necessities like food and protection. Showering her with affection "led women to value a generous and devoted partner over a promiscuous stronger man," says Nick Collins at Britain's Telegraph. Monogamy persevered because it meant less infighting between competing males and better survival rates for offspring who had two parents watching over them.

Why does this matter?
Experts have long struggled to explain how the modern family arose out of tribal networks, study author Sergey Gavrilets tells the Daily Mail. As it turns out, the critical factor in this model was female choice, which sparked a "sexual revolution" and laid the groundwork for the modern two-parent family society is predicated on today.

theweek.com

1. Get on thin ice. Depending on the weather, head to an indoor or outdoor ice-skating rink — it's the perfect excuse to hold hands, "accidentally" fall on top of each other, and grab a cup of hot chocolate and cozy up to each other to keep warm.

2. Skip the pricey wine bar and grab a few beers at your local dive bar. Make sure you pick a place with a pool table or dartboard set up, and challenge him to a few games. Loser owes the winner a song on the jukebox.

3. He may hate to shop, but he'll end up thanking you if you drag him to a flea market. There's something for everyone and plenty of things you never knew existed — you might even discover he has a hobby or weird collection you didn't know about!

4. Settle in for a night of pampering: No pricey spa required. Use your empty wallets as an excuse to stay in — and up — all night. Run a bubble bath and then treat each other to full-body massages. Sleep in the next day.

5. Get an adrenaline rush at the roller-skating rink. As long as you don't mind being the oldest people there who aren't chaperoning their children, it's a great way to have fun and let loose with each other. Top it off with a bowl of ice cream when you get home.

6. Play house: Dress up in your most serious grownup outfit and leave your tiny apartment to visit some open houses. Spend the day arguing over where you would put the love seat, discussing the difference between eggshell and ecru paint, and giggling over strangers' hideous decorating choices.

7.Does he drive you up a wall sometimes? He probably feels the same way about you, so put on your sneakers and head to an indoor rock-climbing gym. Challenge him to a race to the top and relieve sore muscles with a hot shower together afterward. Just try not to gloat too much about beating him.

8. Celebrate the first snow of winter with a day of sledding. Pick a hilly spot in your town and use garbage can lids as makeshift sleds. Wear a bike helmet to up the dorky fun factor, and celebrate living through the experience with a cup of hot cocoa.

9. Spend the day picking fruit at a local farm, either one-on-one or with a few couples you know — the more the merrier. Once you've picked all the apples you can carry back to the car, get creative in the kitchen and think up some recipes with the fruit you picked. Judge each other's creations, Top Chef style.

10. Plan a trip. You might need to save up for awhile, but that doesn't mean you can't daydream. Plan your dream vacation with each other — it might be the incentive you need to start putting your loose change in the piggy bank.

11. Challenge your guy to a little friendly competition and surprise him by taking him to a rifle range. After each round, compare your targets — loser buys the next round of bullets; winner gets gloating privileges.

12. The easiest way to booze it up on the cheap? Take a tour of a winery or brewery, and pick up some wine facts for your next dinner party while getting tipsy.

13. Dying to see a musical or play but can't afford the tickets? Call around to see if you can buy tickets to the dress rehearsal instead — you'll pay a fraction of the price for the same experience.

14. Spice up your movie-night routine by finding a drive-in movie theater. Stop at the supermarket on your way to load up on your favorite snacks, and bring blankets and pillows to make the car extra cozy. Let him pick the movie — you'll get points for being easygoing, even though you know you'll probably miss most of the movie.

15. Wherever you live, chances are there are local bands dying for an audience. Check out MySpace for bands in your area and go to a show. Alternate with your guy on who gets to pick the band so that you both get a chance to enjoy your favorite music genres, and save cash on booze by bringing a flask.

16. Head to the bookstore and walk through the aisles together, showing each other your favorite books, bonding over the books you both hated, and flipping through a Kama Sutra book for ideas for later.

17. Bowl him over at the bowling alley. Psych him out by reminding him of how many gross people wore his shoes before him, and don't forget to program his sugary-sweet nickname ("Muffin Face") onto the computerized scoreboard instead of his real name.

18. Show him your rugged side and build something together. Ask him to help you build something like a coffee table or dresser for your place — he'll be psyched that you asked him, just as long as you can bite your tongue when the table he puts together falls apart the moment you set your cup of coffee down.

19. Appeal to his inner child (it shouldn't be too hard to tap into) and buy tickets for a carnival. Embrace the cheesiness — share cotton candy, let him try to win you a prize, and ride the Ferris wheel until you get nauseous. It's a great way to get to know each other if you've just started dating and will serve as a reminder of how much fun you can have together if you've been dating for awhile.

20. Keep up on the specials. For a break on your dinner bill, check out sites like Restaurant.com for the restaurant deals in your area. And check out the websites of your favorite bars — they might have drink specials on certain nights, like a free pizza with every drink.

21. Ask him about his fantasy cars and he'll probably talk your ear off. Head over to a local car dealership and test-drive the most expensive car they'll let you take out of the parking lot. Take turns at the wheel but resist the urge to nitpick each other's driving skills.

22. Indulge your sweet tooth with your sweetie — visit a chocolate or cookie factory. Do a quick Google search to see if there are any in your area and give one a call to see if it does tours. If it only does group tours, make it a group date and invite a few other couples.

23. Get spooked at a haunted house. Check out Hauntedhouse.com for listings in your state. Start off the night by watching a scary movie before you go, and then try not to laugh when he launches a foot into the air at every corner.

24. Get out those matching aprons and fire up the skillet for a night of cooking — for both of you. Learn how to cook each other's favorite meal and then do it together. Whether you end up with a delicious steak and tuna casserole for two or speed-dialing for Chinese takeout, you're guaranteed to enjoy the process.

25. Forget eating dinner parked in front of a Mad Men marathon until you and your boyfriend are tired of looking at each other. Invite another couple over that you don't know well for a potluck dinner. Ask them to bring the appetizer and dessert, and work on the main course with your guy. At least one of the dishes should come out edible, and you can bond with your new friends over your shared culinary failure.

Check out the other 25 date ideas at marie claire

Candice is a 31-year-old New Yorker. She met a nice lawyer at a bar and agreed to see The Avengers with him. When she arrived for the date, he was wearing a fedora. The date did not go well.

Afterwards, Candice gave her would-be beau the brush-off via text. He responded with a lengthy message seemingly written for a male friend—in which he griped that his date had been a mere "5.5 out of 10 (average)." Shortly thereafter, he sent a hilariously transparent apology message.

Tragic accidental text, or world's most passive-aggressive "neg"? I'm leaning toward the latter. Here are the messages:

gawker.com

You might think your partner has a beautiful smile but if you want to win her heart, compliment her on being thin.

The best way to please a woman is to mention her weight loss, research has revealed.

According to the study of 2,000 men and women, ladies love it best when their men say they look thinner than normal.

A spokesman for Dental Care Plus Implant Centres, which conducted the study, said: 'Women are complex creatures, and men would be mistaken to think they couldn’t go wrong with a compliment.

'Women appear to love any compliments which suggest they are beautiful, and have good features - such as fantastic natural teeth, lips, hair or legs.

'In particular they want to appear thin to everyone around them, so commenting on weight loss is a sure fire way to score brownie points.

'But you could get into hot water for saying that someone looks like they have eaten well, or that they look quite broad around the shoulder.'

The study suggests women like it when men say a dress or colour really suits them, and a third simply love to be told they look gorgeous.

n contrast, men get into trouble if they make mention of weight gain - and a quarter of women take great insult to being told they look like their mum or dad.

Other back-handed compliments include ‘you’re not as stupid as you look’ and ‘you don’t look as bad as I thought you would’.

Incredibly, only half of women actually take compliments well - and four in 10 prefer to have them from a partner than anyone else.

Unfortunately for men, 36 per cent of girls have ended up in a mood because they misunderstood something which was supposed to be admiration.

The spokesman for Dental Care Plus Implant Centres continues: 'The study suggests women only get one compliment from their partners each day - and it is easy to understand why.

'Most men probably live in fear of getting it wrong, and so don’t bother trying to be nice.

'Men just need to think more about how to deliver a compliment, so that it doesn’t get misunderstood.

'For example women would love to hear that they have beautiful natural looking teeth, or an awesome smile, but might not be so keen for people to acknowledge obvious dental work or teeth whitening.'

But the survey shows a whopping 87 per cent of men reckon they do regularly compliment their partners - offering up to three every day.

And when it comes to what men like to see on a woman, the biggest turn off for 38 per cent is food stuck in between in their teeth.

A further 37 per cent don’t like women to over-do it on the fake tan, while 37 per cent hate girls to wear too much make up.

A quarter of men polled don’t like gapped teeth as sported by celebrities such as Madonna and Vanessa Paradis.

Top Ten Nicest Compliments
1. You look like you’ve lost weight
2. You have a nice smile
3. You smell nice
4. Nice hair
5. That dress really suits you
6. That colour really suits you
7. Love what you’re wearing
8. Your eyes are pretty
9. You look slim
10. You look gorgeous

Top Ten Worst Compliments
1. You look tired
2. You look under the weather
3. You look well
4. You have put some weight on
5. You look just like your dad / mum
6. You don’t look as bad as I thought
7. You’re not as stupid as you look
8. You look less tired today
9. You have very large features
10. You’re quite broad aren’t you

Full article at dailymail.co.uk

A wife has the unique ability to help her husband feel the freedom to reach his fullest potential as the man God has created him to be.
-Janel Breitenstein

Occupation is not the measure of a man. But as a wife, you do possess a unique power to inspire your husband. Your loving vision of the man he’s becoming propels him toward greatness—not necessarily by the world’s yardstick of success, or even your own, but of God’s.

When you believe in him, he is secure. He can take the leaps of faith required to surmount fear. He can bear up under pressure, pioneer new territory.

An inspired husband feels the freedom to reach the fullest potential of the man God has created him to be. He’s not merely encouraged. He’s a man who’s empowered; a conqueror. If you want to give your man some “wind beneath his wings”… start here.

1. Send him an e-mail. Example: “Praying for you today. Thanks for being so courageous in ___.”

2. Give him one night on a regular basis to do something he loves.
Consistently mention ways you see him growing to be more like Christ.

3. Initiate great sex.

4. Ask him about his “bucket list”—the top list of things he’d like to do in his lifetime.

5. Give him a book or audio CD to learn about something he loves doing.

6. Ask him about some dreams he has—and pray about them together, evaluating them. Then ask how you can help him go after them.

7. Text him on a stressful day. Example: “REMINDER: I BELIEVE IN U.”

8. Make sure he feels respected by you.

9. Leave sticky notes in his lunch, on his steering wheel, in his briefcase, etc. “So proud of all you’ve been doing with ___”. “You are so great with our kids.” “You are my dream come true.” “You are an incredible lover.”

10. Suggest that he take some time to go pursue a hobby.

11. Leave a message on his voicemail: “Thanks for going to work every day to take care of our family. You are so good at what you do.”

12. Ask him how you can pray for him at work. Later on in the week, get an update from him on what you’ve prayed for.

13. Be proactive about doing something together that he really enjoys.

14. Make a date, get him excited, and share his enthusiasm!

15. Tell him areas he’s gifted in. Don’t stretch the truth: Be honest so he can trust you.

16. Pray for him.

17. Initiate great sex.

18. Start and keep a “Dreams” binder with him. Include some travel brochures or whatever gets you both energized. In the back, make sure you have a “Dreams turned reality!” file.

19. Talk with your husband about setting aside a small part of the budget to pursue the unique ways God has designed him (including his gifts, abilities, and passions)—through education or through sheer enjoyment.

20. Post on his Facebook wall: “I love being your wife! See me tonight regarding this.”

21. Gently communicate with him about what you like in bed, and respond encouragingly to his attempts.

22. Remember a dream that he had a long time ago. Talk with him about whether it’s still a dream—and still a possibility.

23. Ask God to open your eyes to the ways He has made your husband unique, and to give you wisdom about how to maximize that workmanship.

24. Have your children write him notes or letters about what they love about him as a dad.

25. Initiate great sex.

26. Ban yourself from nagging, which is the Great Life-Sucker.

27. Ask, “If I could do one thing that would really empower you and inspire you, what would it be?” Then listen, resist being defensive (the hard part), and follow through.

28. Remind him of specific times when he’s made an impact on other people’s lives. “Hey, I was thinking the other day about all the time you invested in that Cub Scout troop. Wonder what those boys are doing now. It was so cool to watch them grow with you as their leader.” “Our son has grown so much in encouraging people lately. He gets that from you; you are such a good example for him in that.”

29. Buy him something small to stoke the fires: A journal for a writer, some carpentry pencils for a woodworker, some grilling tools for the master chef. Add a sweet note: “Just because I love the way you’re made.”

30. Do something fun and unexpected together. A few ideas to try: paintball; laser tag; on a spring day, have a picnic, blow bubbles, and bring the books you’re reading; swing; play a pickup game of a sport together; go to a drive-in movie, bring popcorn, and instigate a make-out session.

31. Think about a way you’ve been hurting him, annoying him. Or there may be ways you’re not “seeing” him—not stepping into his world to understand what it’s like to be him, with all of the things he cares about. Apologize, and work hard at showing true change.

32. Initiate great sex.

33. Go to a home improvement store to plan a small, doable project that energizes both of you, even if it’s just painting a room or fixing up some landscaping. (Hint: Be positive that it’s something by which he won’t feel burdened.)

34. With quality, complete something from his to-do list for him—something that he’d rather have you do anyway.

35. Find a mutually enjoyable activity you like doing together on a regular basis, even if it’s as simple as playing the Wii together after the kids are in bed.

36. Create a cheerful atmosphere when he comes home.

37. Design a date night that will help him to de-stress and have fun.

38. Discover his “love language,” and become fluent in it.

39. Pray about and pursue at least one dream of your own, talking with him about it. An inspired wife breeds inspiration.

40. What’s difficult about his life right now? Pray for his endurance, and encourage him specifically. Galatians 6:9 is a great start for both. Think, What can I do to ease the load he’s carrying?

41. Organize or clean something in your home that you know he finds messy.

42. Send a snail-mail love note to him at the office, affirming him in his work.

43. Think of something on his honey-do list at home that he finds overwhelming or for which he doesn’t have much time. Talk with him (respectfully and gently) about the possibility of hiring someone to do it. Communicate clearly that it’s not because you find him incompetent, but that you want to free him up from a burden.

44. Initiate great sex.

45. Be a student of your husband. Does he feel inspired if he has all his ducks in a row? If he has a creative space to think? If he feels verbally affirmed?

46. If your man is into dressing nice, go with him to shop for clothes in which he feels confident.

47. Let him overhear you speaking well of him on the phone, among friends, or in public places. And to your mother.

48. In his area of weakness, pray about how to subtly, gently step in and help him.

49. Tell him what a great dad he is. Be specific.

50. If and when he messes up, respond with the kind of grace, compassion, and mercy that God gives you. Respond in a way that communicates, You’re safe with me—and I’m not going to rehash your failures. This is a secure place for you to grow … and I love the journey with you.

MEN. Ladies, protest all you want, but the truth is that we need them. And not just in the romantic, reproductive or changing light bulbs sense. The men in our lives fill a wide variety of important roles. After the jump, the kinds of guys every woman needs to have on her team.

1. The doting father figure. He can be a grandfather, a father, a brother or an uncle. Or he can be totally unrelated to you. Point being, you trust this man wholeheartedly. He loves you unconditionally and always has your best interests at heart. I am lucky to have a whole family full of these guys.

2. The ex you know you can still call. For advice, a shoulder to cry on, or to ask for music recommendations. I have an ex who I still consult whenever I buy electronics. I trust him implicitly to make computer-related decisions for me and would never purchase without his consent.

3. The ex you know you can never call again. Presumably this guy, whatever he did, made you a more kick ass woman. This alone makes him necessary. You’ll never forget him, but you’ll also never speak to him ever, ever again.

4. The totally platonic male best friend. Yes, I believe this kind of relationship is possible. I have known mine since I was 15. I am lucky enough to have him live in the same city as me. We have dinner about once a month. It’s comforting to have someone in my life who still remembers when I was an awkward, angsty Goth girl who wrote bad poetry. And he loves to remind me of it.

5. The man you love, but would never have a relationship with. You’ve resigned yourself to the fact that he is wonderful and amazing when it comes to his women friends, but with his romantic interests, he’s a complete nightmare. This makes it easy for you to adore him as a friend and easy for him to return the adoration without his antics.

6. The man who has encouraged you in your career. This can be a teacher or a colleague, or any man who believed in you when you didn’t. There was a guy I knew in college who always used to tell me I was destined for greatness. When I was at low points in my career, I often thought of him and his encouragement buoyed me. He still sends me emails like, “I can’t wait to read your first book” or “Have you considered doing screenplays?”

7. The man you can call to help you move your couch. Or if you have a gas leak. Or if you think someone just broke into your apartment. Or if you’re me, the guy you call when you’ve trapped a cockroach under a glass in your kitchen and you think you’ll die if you have to dispose of it on your own. For the record, I change my own lightbulbs.

8. The man who adores you exactly the way you are. Whether you’ve had any kind of romantic involvement with this man or not, he thinks you are the goddamn dog’s pajamas. Everything single thing you do. Everything single thing you say. He adores every bit of it. You can do no wrong in this man’s eyes. Even though you often do wrong. And when you do, he politely looks the other way.

9. The guy who flirts with you but doesn’t expect anything in return. There is a man who owns a flower shop in my neighborhood. I walk by his shop every morning on the way to the subway. Every day, he smiles and waves. He tells me I look lovely. He tells me I smell nice. Bless him. For, without him, there would be no spring in my step at 8 a.m. on a Monday.

10. The man who gets your jokes. There has to be one man in your life that you can kill, absolutely slay with your jokes. I can think of many men who find me funny, not to brag or anything, but the one who I enjoy making laugh the very most is my little brother, Adam. I have the most practice with him too. I have been perfecting my stand up act on him for more than 20 years. If you meet him, ask him about his favorite routine, The Bird With The Broken Wing.

Valentine's Day: The modern holiday that unnerves men and leaves women worried about being disappointed — at least according to recent polls and research. Here are seven studies that shed light on some of the pitfalls of Feb. 14, and offer hope to those determined to celebrate:

1. Men don't hate Valentine's Day. They fear it
In a recent survey by dating service It's Just Lunch, one-third of men said they purposely avoid getting in relationships between Thanksgiving and Valentine's Day. Why? Fear of "perceived threats to their egos and wallets," suggests It's Just Lunch spokeswoman Jacquie Brownridge.

2. Ladies, men will disappoint you
What do women want on Valentine's Day? More than 75 percent would love a handwritten love note or poem, according to the Lindt Lindor "Code of Modern Chivalry" report. Sadly, only half of men will oblige, with some trying to pass off somebody else's poem as their own. Meanwhile, more than 20 percent of men will opt for a text-message valentine, and about 10 percent will go with email.

3. Old-fashioned cards are still popular
At least in Great Britain, where 64 percent of Britons say a card or letter is the best way to say "I love you" on Feb. 14, according to Royal Mail. E-cards only got 7 percent of the vote, behind a phone call (8 percent), but ahead of a text message (6 percent), and email or a social-networking posting (5 percent).

4. It's a good day for Viagra
In 2010, more Viagra was prescribed in the week before Feb. 14 than any other week of the year, according to Wolters Kluwer Pharma Solutions. (The "lowest-use" week of the year is Thanksgiving week.) Valentine's Day sex is "kind of like birthday sex or Christmas sex," says Indiana University sex researcher Debby Herbenick, to MSNBC.com. "This is an opportunity that only comes up occasionally and [men] want to be prepared."

5. It's a big day for divorce, too
Divorce filings have spiked about 40 percent around Feb. 14 over the past two years, according to Avvo.com data reported by the New York Post. Some of the timing is due to "Delayed New Year's Resoluters," says L.A.-based divorce lawyer Kelly Chang to the Post, who are "moving forward on their resolution to be single, just a month late." The others, though, are "'Waiting to Exhalers,' who, depending on the actions of their spouses on Valentine's Day, will either reconcile or file for divorce."

6. Lovers will spend, spend, spend
Some 70 million Americans, or a third of consumers, will eat out at a restaurant Monday night, according to the National Restaurant Association. Only Mother's Day is more popular for dining out. The National Retail Federation also expects a banner year, with Americans spending a projected $15.7 billion this Feb. 14, or $116.21 per person, a bump of 11 percent from last year.

7. It's not too late to find a date
If you don't have a date for tonight, don't fret. Brain researcher Stephanie Ortigue and her team at Syracuse University say it's the brain, not the heart, that is responsible for love — and the process is fast. It takes about a fifth of a second to fall in love, she says. There's still plenty of time to find that special someone.

It can be awkward being a man. We have these things that we think and feel—things that aren’t politically correct to say, but matter to us. Here are thirteen of them.

1. That stuff about the stomach and the heart are pretty much true.
It’s primal. It’s hard to explain. On the one hand, we don’t expect you to be Betty Crocker, at home with an apron on making coq au vin. On the other, having a partner who can cook delicious food, and is willing to do so, creates tremendous feelings of connection and well-being. A man has few defenses against a woman who cooks.

2. We’d like to talk about sex early because it is important to us, but don’t really know how.
Imagine how this third-date conversation would go: “I want to talk about your libido. I have a high-energy libido, and I’ve been with women who didn’t and the lack of compatibility in this area was a big issue. How would you describe your libido?” You would likely be shocked, and there’s a great chance you would end the date right there. It’s important to us and we want to discuss it, but we’re afraid you’ll think we’re creepy.

3. Who you are is way more important to us than what you do.
This is really embarrassing. But when you talk about your greatest accomplishments—your master’s degree, your new position of power at your company, your latest business deal—we’re happy for you, but those aren’t the kinds of things that make us say, “We have to be with this woman.” We tend to value your personality traits way more than your professional accolades. Are you kind, loving, happy, and supportive? Are you fun to be around? Will you be nice to our parents? These are the issues that make us fall in love, not professional acumen.

4. We worry that you’re only interested in one thing.
You say, “How funny. We women are worried that you men are only interested in one thing.” Of course, for women the worry is sex. For men the worry is money. Everyone is worried about something. We’ve had so many married friends start to feel like walking wallets. It’s one of our worst nightmares.

5. If you’ll give us some space, we’ll slay dragons for you.
It is a scene so common as to be a truism—the man cave. Books have been written explaining why men need a private retreat, but whatever the reason, it is a fact. Your man needs a place he can go think, be by himself, and nurse his wounds. It’s no reflection on you. Recent movies have made it more acceptable for him to ask for his private space, but it can still be embarrassing for us to say, “I need to go be alone.” If you can find it in your heart to embrace our need for space, we’ll know that you understand us, and we will, literally, throw our bodies in front of moving trains to protect you.

6. We get so many mixed signals that it is hard to know how to act sometimes.
At work you’re my equal, certainly. On a date, you want me to make all the plans and take charge. In the home, you want primacy over the look and feel. That leaves things like travel, money, and the bedroom, to name a few. In the many situations a couple must experience together, it’s difficult to accurately guess how we should act. Over time, of course, we can figure it out, but it’s tough to always get things just right.

7. It isn’t the fear of commitment. It’s the fear of turning into the hen-pecked wimp that we’ve seen our friends turn into.
Men have a reputation for being scared of commitment. For some guys, that’s earned, but for most the name is misleading. We’re not scared of being with one person for a lifetime. We’re scared the relationship morphing into something we don’t recognize. We’re scared of losing the things (and activities) we love to the person we love.

1. Women Think About Food More Than Sex

A "survey of 5,000 people shows that women crowd out their sexy thoughts with worries about what they're eating. The British survey found that 25 percent of women think about food every 30 minutes, while only 10 percent report thinking about sex that often."

So far, so good. But read on for the sadder finding: "They may actually be thinking more about what they're not eating. Four in 10 women say they're always either dieting and/or concerned about their weight, and more than 60 percent confess that they don't like to eat in front of their partners. And it seems like a few of us haven't yet gotten over our high school cafeteria habits: When ordering in front of a date or even a long-term mate, 13 percent of respondents confess to choosing something lower-calorie than what they really wanted."

2. 25% Of People Answer The Phone During Sex

A "poll by British company MyPhoneDeals.co.uk recently tracked customer phone use to obtain some stats. They took numbers on pretty interesting questions, and we'll just say the answers were 'interesting' as well. One survey question asked users whether or not they had ever taken a phone call in the middle of sex. A ridiculous 25 percent of people admitted to answering a call while doing the deed. Yes, that is one in four."

3. College Students Prefer Compliments To Sex

"People might associate college life with pizza and promiscuity, but according to a paper published in the Journal of Personality, students would rather receive an ego boost (from compliments or good grades) than have sex. Incidentally, ego boosts also trump favorite foods, which actually makes sense considering how closely hunger and sexual compulsions are linked."

4. How Easily A Woman Orgasms Depends On Her Lip Shape

"In today's kooky love news, Stuart Brody, a psychology professor at the University of the West of Scotland, claims that you can discern a woman's ability to achieve orgasm just by looking at her lips. His paper, titled 'Vaginal Orgasm Is More Prevalent Among Women with a Prominent Tubercle of the Upper Lip,' names the plump spot below your cupid's bow, called the tubercle, as the best indicator of sexual satisfaction. But if you have a thin mouth, don't despair. While full lips are commonly associated with sexual prowess, Brody says to focus on that small bump instead of overall lip shape."

5. College Students Would Rather Give Up Sex Than Carry Textbooks

"College campuses may be notorious for promiscuity, but don't forget that most students are actually there to, uh, study. According to a survey released by software company Kno, Inc., one in four college students would give up sex for a year in exchange for electronic textbooks. Granted, the sample size was pretty small: just 506 students in various four-year institutions were surveyed, meaning that less than 130 students actually conform to the claim cited by the results. Who knows how much sex these kids are having in the first place?"

6. One In Five Women "Like" Facebook More Than Sex

"Picture yourself surrounded by your four closest girlfriends. According to a survey of 2,000 women by Cosmopolitan magazine, one of you would rather "like" status updates, post funny videos and stalk her exes on Facebook than get freaky between the sheets. Yes, that's right, 20 percent of women would rather give up sex than Facebook for a week."

7. Women Get More Bisexual As They Grow Older

"A new study reveals that women's sexual preferences tend to be a gray area (yep, identity confusion wasn't just for those college dorm days). In fact, researchers at Boise State University found that in a group of heterosexual women, 60 percent were physically interested in other women, 45 percent made out with a woman in the past, and 50 percent had fantasies about the same sex."

8. Laptops Can Be Bad For Sperm

"A new study in the journal Fertility and Sterility has found that men who place their laptops on their laps are toying with the quality of their sperm. Officially, researchers say, 'Our data suggest that the use of a laptop computer wirelessly connected to the Internet and positioned near the male reproductive organs may decrease human sperm quality.' Yikes! Researchers came upon this discovery by testing semen samples from 29 healthy men. They placed drops of sperm under a laptop that was connected to the Internet via Wi-Fi. Then, they downloaded something. Within four hours, a quarter of the samples were no longer swimming around; only 14 percent of semen samples stored away from the computer suffered the same fate. What's worse? Nine percent of the Wi-Fi subjected sperm showed DNA damage!"

9. Nerdy Women Have More Sex, Better Relationships

"Ladies who play games on Facebook, cell phones and computers have quite the sizzling social life. Even better, they have sex more frequently than women who don't game, according to a recent survey conducted by Harris Interactive on behalf of GameHouse. Not only are these 'nerdy' girls getting more action in the bedroom, but they're likely happily committed to a serious relationship as well (probably with a fellow nerd). Sixty-four percent of women who game online are married or living with a partner. On a scale of 1-10 (10 being 'completely satisfied'), 71 percent of these women rated their current relationship at 6 or above."

Being engaged is all about going to cake tastings, being forced to have an opinion on centerpieces, and answering “how did you propose” about one billion times. Women expect to hear something romantic, like you swooped down on a flying unicorn and popped the question as you flew past the sunset. No one wants to hear that you asked her during halftime to order some more wings and/or marry you. Avoid looking like a complete douchebag by not proposing in any of the following ways.

7. The Post-Pregnancy Proposal

Since it’s not the 1950′s anymore and out-of-wedlock mothers aren’t required to wear the scarlet letter, there’s no reason to pop the question just because she’s pregnant. Getting married won’t change the fact that a baby is coming and all your beer money is now going to be going into the diaper fund. Do the gentleman-like thing, ask for the kid to be named after you, write her a check for 18 years of child support, and get a vasectomy.

6. The During Her Marriage Proposal

Despite what Hollywood may tell you, brides do not want you barging into their wedding, stopping the vows, and proclaiming your love for them. And I’ll tell you what, there are extremely high odds that she will say no. So have some class and save the big, romantic movie gestures for moments when they’re needed — such as when you ask your girlfriend to choose you over her wildly successful job.

5. The Edible-Ring Proposal

It sounds romantically-cliche to propose via an engagement ring hidden at the bottom of chocolate mousse. In reality, it’s a subconscious death wish for your significant other. After all, if you were caught placing choke-able objects in someone’s food in any other situation, you would be arrested for attempted murder.

4. The Funeral Proposal

Going to a funeral naturally makes you freak out about your future. You’re wondering if you’ve done anything worthwhile with your life besides that 9 minute keg stand junior year of college. But your mid-life crisis is no reason to reach out to last week’s one-night stand and ask them to marry you. Instead of putting yourself on the fast track for a divorce, ask out the hottest girl at the funeral, and pray like hell you’re not related.

3. The Public Proposal

Deciding to get married is kind of a big deal. It’s up there with deciding what you should do for a living and what secret file name you should hide your porn under. So why put your girlfriend on the spot by popping the question in front of family and friends? Odds are she won’t want to say “let’s talk about this later” in front of everyone. Instead you’ll get an awkward silence while she contemplates the question followed by a half-assed yes.

2. The Social Media Proposal

Just because everyone communicates in 140 characters or less these days doesn’t mean that you should propose via Facebook status. Nothing says I’m too lazy to get offline like an e-mail with the subject line “will you marry me.” And please don’t think adding in a clever kissy smiley face will help matters at all.

1. The Valentine’s Day Proposal

Isn’t there enough going on with women carrying around carnations and adult men dressed as giant baby cupids? There’s no need to add to the corniness of the holiday by throwing in a wedding proposal. The only exception to this cliche proposal is if you forget to get a gift and need to think of something in a hurry.

Dating websites are revolutionizing the way we think about relationships. The sites exist in almost every stripe, from online matchmaking based on religion to (the admittedly odious) Beautifulpeople, which recently ejected 30,000 members for being “ugly.” But what about people for whom a relationship can never include sex? Intercourse can be painful or impossible for a variety of reasons, from disease to disability to simple disinterest, but it can be a challenging topic to bring up.

Enter 2date4love, a dating website created by cancer survivor Laura Brashier. The site, which launched earlier this month, “enables people who cannot engage in sexual intercourse to meet and experience love, companionship and intimacy at its deepest level.” In other words, it helps people — like Brashier, who had trouble dating because they could not have sex — to find an intimate, loving relationship. More than 2,000 people have already signed up.

Over ten years ago, Brashier finished treatment for cervical cancer, which saved her life but made sex unbearably painful. She explains,

“I still have all the same sexual desires I had before cancer. As the cancer treatment took a toll on my body, I’m no longer able to function sexually the way I used to. This has proven to be an enormous challenge when it comes to dating — when the topic of intimacy is raised, I fear that once my partner knows my limitations, he may lose interest.”

There are a myriad reasons why people might seek a non-sexual romantic relationship, but very few venues in which to find a partner who feels the same way. Cancer treatments like Brashier’s very often interfere with sexual functioning, and even the process of aging can lower women’s sex drive and inhibit men’s sexual performance. But this large group of people generally experiences significant stigma around the issue, leaving them fearful of what their partner will say. Brashier’s new site could change all of that.

“It’s just the freedom of not having it on my mind when I am talking to a man,” she said. “It’s really hard for someone else to understand how it weighs on my mind.”

Of course, there’s no reason why any romantic relationship needs to involve sex. And if sex is difficult, painful or undesirable, these factors should not consign anyone to lifelong loneliness. Brashier’s brave new site will do much, both to normalize the idea of a functioning, nonsexual romantic relationship, and to provide ways for people who are seeking this kind of intimacy to find each other.

Also see: Website For Beautiful (No-fatties) People Only

Is your man a lover or a fighter? A cheater or a charmer? According to research from all over the globe, you can tell a lot about a man just by looking at him. Yep, you can actually figure out how long he'll last in bed by the size of his belly, or how compassionate he is based on the shape of his nose. Gathering data from scientists, medical doctors and engineers, The UK's Mirror has compiled this list of characteristics to help you decipher if you're with a quality guy.

I'm not a huge believer in statistics. After all, they make sweeping assumptions while still only sampling a teeny-tiny portion of the population, but I delved deeper and some of these have me wondering ....

• Hefty men make for longer lovers. Maybe skinny dudes eat less, and are all weak or something, but the real reason seems to be, heavier men have more female hormones, and more female hormones makes it easier for them to go the distance. This study shows that large lovers last over 5 minutes longer than skinny guys.

• Wide faced men have bigger cheating hearts. Not only are wide faced men more aggressive, but they are more likely to lie.

• When it comes to a sign of intelligence, bald men are smarter. Their average IQ is 4 points above their full-head-of-hair counterparts.

• Speaking of hair, guys with thick, dark eyebrows are not only friendlier, but they're nicer to their friends. A guy with messy eyebrows is likely a mess in real life, too.

• Green eyes may be sexy, and blue eyes most desirable, but brown eyed men make the best family guys.

• His nose knows what type of person he is. Long and wide noses are a sign of creativity and passion. Snub nosed men make for more attentive partners. The more turned up the nose, the more adventurous he'll be in bed.

• But one thing you still can't tell is the size of his junk. No matter how big his feet or the distance between fingers, until you actually see his penis, you won't know the thick, or the thin, of that one.

*Sext (that is, for those who don't know, send sexy pictures of themselves via text)

The New York Times recently reported on a new study that finds women are more likely to send sexy text messages than men. Two university researchers arrived at their results after they surveyed over 5,000 adult visitors to the infidelity web site, AshleyMadison.com. This website targets married men and women, and it attracts people who are or are looking to cheat.

The survey asked users questions about their internet use, sexual behaviors and demographics, where two-thirds of women surveyed were found to have sent sexy text messages in comparison to half of men.

These results came as no surprise Dr. Kholos Wysocki, one of the researchers, because she knows a lot of young men "who are constantly getting naked pictures from women on their phones." To her, sexting is on the rise and in a post-Weiner era, we know this to be true.

Yet, the results of this study are a little skewed as the adult visitors to AshleyMadison.com aren't a national representation of everyone who may or may not sext today.

Even so, sexting is still prevalent in society today and if you're going to send someone your naughty pictures, we suggest you take a look over our rules for sending lewd pictures first. Inspired by the Weiner and Favre scandals, we give you a list of do's and don'ts for sending sexts. After all, you wouldn't want your mother to get that close-up shot of your crotch, would you?

Men and women are equals in the grandest sense of the word, yes. But just as our bodies are undeniably different, so, too, are our minds. This means, as crazy as it may seem, that how you experience the world isn’t necessarily how your wife experiences it. You can’t fight the evolutionary and social causes behind these differences. Trust me, I and much greater men have tried, all in vain. But you can at least recognize these and other differences, which are explained in very readable detail in “The Female Brain,” by Louann Brizendine, M.D. These insights will make communicating with your wife and she with you much easier. In other words, you’ll more often find yourselves of one mind.

1) She Remembers More. The hippocampus, the part of the brain mostly responsible for memories, is larger in women. That’s why women are better at retaining memories, the good ones and the bad ones, like that time you bought her a Thighmaster. If it seems that your wife can recall tiny details about things, such things as your anniversary dinner six years ago, that you barely remember, well, there’s likely a physiologically reason for that.

Lesson: Don’t argue with your wife over details about something that happened months or years ago. Odds are, she’s right.

2) There’s a Reason She Cries. Women’s brains are configured in such a manner that they are four times more likely to cry than men. One reason for this is that to the male brain surprise, it isn’t so hot at picking up subtle emotional cues in others (with anger being an exception). Sometimes tears are the only way for women to get us to take notice of their feelings; otherwise, without any trace of malice, we keep our focus squarely on the night’s episode of “Ice Road Truckers.”

Lesson: If you wish your wife cried less, work harder at paying attention to the small ways she’s telegraphing her feelings. Better yet, make a habit of asking her how she feels.

3) Her Instincts Are Solid. The parts of the brain linked to gut feelings are larger and more discerning in women. In other words, there’s a factual basis behind the much-touted notion of a “woman’s intuition.” Disregard it at your own peril. And, by all means, if you’re going to the race track, it might help to have her along.

Lesson: Pay attention to your wife’s hunches. She may be picking up on things that your dude brain isn’t even noticing.

4) Her Brain Changes. A lot. Because of menstruation and menopause, the female brain goes through considerably more change than our male brain. In fact, during any given month, some parts of the woman’s brain can change as much as 25 percent! Once past puberty, the male brain is largely spared anything akin to the monthly hormone riot that is menstruation, and the dramatic brain makeover that is menopause. Count your blessings, man, count your blessings.

Lesson: If it sometimes feels that you’re talking to a different woman, well, in some ways, you are. Be patient, dear sir. She’ll thank you for it.

5) Her Head Is Filled with Words. When it comes to the language centers of the brain, women’s work differently than men’s. On average, women speak at a rate of 250 words per minute, while men average half that. In the course of a day, a woman will speak some 20,000 words, while we guys utter about 7,000. This is why we husbands sometimes struggle to keep focused on all our wives are saying, and why we sometimes struggle to find the right words, unless, of course, we’re telling fart jokes, in which case the words flow effortlessly.

Lesson: Push yourself to listen ever harder, and to respond aloud with your reaction so that your wife knows you heard her. Above all, recognize that sometimes talking is her way of processing.

Knowing these, and other, differences between your brain and your wife’s, will make you smarter and you both happier.

When it comes to attracting women, 42-year-old New York bachelor Jim Norton has his charm. His sense of humor. But most of all, he has his Upper West Side apartment, purchased five years ago in a Trump building. Oh, did he mention it’s got breathtaking views through floor-to-ceiling windows?

“Women see windows — and skirts come off,” he says of his large one-bedroom pad, which also features a state-of-the-art kitchen with stainless-steel appliances.

“This one businesswoman, she came over, and she said she was ‘not like the other girls,’ ” he recalls of the guest, who announced that she did not sleep with men on the first date.


“Well, fast-forward an hour after seeing the apartment, and not only was she like the other girls, she was worse. They like the view.”

That certainly comes in handy when other elements of his seduction technique fall short.

“I remember another woman . . . I knew she was impressed with the place and decided to sleep with me,” says the comedian.


“I gave a horrible [sexual] performance. She walked around the apartment a couple of times before she left — almost reminding herself that this is why she just put herself through that.”

TOO SEXY FOR YOUR PLACE?

Norton, who has written two best-selling memoirs detailing his sexual exploits, points out what many men — and the brokers who sell to them — are realizing in the current economic climate. The right apartment can get you laid.

“With so many people out of work,” he says, “if a woman sees a nice place, that makes her much more willing to take the chance and sleep with you.”

Dolly Lenz, vice chairman of Prudential Douglas Elliman, has been noticing an increased emphasis among bachelors on what she calls “the sexy factor.” Rich guys — some of whom are fleeing life in the burbs after a divorce for the freewheeling life in downtown Manhattan — are increasingly buying lavish apartments to woo women.

“The swagger is back in the market,” she says.

And let’s face it: In New York, our standards — for dating and real estate — are different from what they might be elsewhere in the country. With space at a premium, most New York women aren’t expecting anything palatial — they’ll settle for the aforementioned view. Perhaps some parquet floors and a doorman.

“In New York, when you say porn, more people are likely to think you mean real estate,” says John, a multimillionaire financier who asked that his real name not be used. “Every two-bit banker at Goldman Sachs can buy you an expensive dinner or have a $175,000 Ferrari, but how many can have the $10 million trophy pad?”

John frequently lets his friends borrow his 5,000-square-foot Upper East Side apartment so they can bring home the ladies while he’s away on business. After letting a London hedge-funder borrow his flat for a few days, the financier reported that his friend was able to score every night with three women (though not at the same time). “He told me: ‘They were excited when they got to the door — and when they saw the view, it was a done deal.’ ”

But while ladies do love a room with a view, there’s something else they love — anything in the apartment that lends the man an air of domesticity. While the trophy apartments of yore might have been all about flashy effects — think shag carpets and wall-to-wall mirrors — these days, there’s a more subtle aesthetic at work. “We’ve gone from trophies that scream ‘bachelor pad’ to ones that scream, ‘There’s room for both of us here,’ ” says John.

Indeed, while Norton has a stunning state-of-the-art kitchen, he never sets foot in it to actually cook. He even keeps clothes in the oven.


For Ralph Sutton, 41, the appeal isn’t so much his Midtown West apartment, but rather his elevator — which opens straight into his loft. “If I wasn’t a single man, maybe my wife and I wouldn’t pick this apartment,” says Sutton, of radio show “The Tour Bus” and allaccessapp.com. “But being single, you want a place you’re proud to bring a girl home to. I think a guy who lives on the top floor of a sixth-floor walk-up better have some immaculate game.”

Jaf Glazer, a SoHo real estate broker with a roster of celebrity clients, certainly uses sex as part of his sell. His real estate signs proclaim “SoHo is sexy,” and when he describes the neighborhood to prospective (male) clients, he emphasizes that the district is teeming with models and beautiful women. He knows they’re on the hunt — and not just for real estate. “The spaces in SoHo we represent often fulfill the void people have in their life,” he says.

Mara Papasoff, managing director at Brown Harris Stevens, says that in the past, bankers looked for classic Park Avenue apartments, but now her clients shop for penthouse lofts. Lenz, who says that most of her clients could afford to buy in the Plaza, has also noticed this trend. “Today it’s a little ostentatious to be buying a Ferrari,” says Lenz. “But a trophy apartment says you’ve arrived.”

A Washington DC couple has just raised the bar on awesome proposals this past weekend when Corey Newman proposed to his girlfriend Marlowe Epstein via crossword puzzle in last Sunday's Washington Post. She said yes because, after all, how could she not? It is the sweetest thing ever.

Proposal via crossword puzzle is unique and awesome, but it is not the only creative way to propose. Here are another 15 of the top proposals we could find:

1. Subway proposal: A Toronto street artist plastered a “Will you marry me?” sign on top of a subway stop!

2. Pick a unique place: Seal proposed to Heidi Klum in an igloo at 14,000 feet and presented her with a 10-carat ring.

3. Movie trailer proposal: This man hired a whole production team to make a mock movie trailer and then showed it at a local theater with all their friends. “She had no idea this was a marriage proposal until the last three seconds of the trailer,” he says in his YouTube info.

4. Strip proposal: Howard Stern ordered his girlfriend Beth Ostrosky to strip nude and then proposed to her right before having sex.

5. On TV: New York Giants player Jason Sehorn proposed to Angie Harmon live on The Tonight Show! Carrie Ann Inaba also received the same treatment on Regis & Kelly.

6. In front of LOVE: A man in New York proposed to his girlfriend in front of the LOVE sculpture in New York City and took her by surprise!

7. On a video game: This couple does not seem particularly excited, but the Super Mario Brothers proposal was very romantic.

8. On the Weather Channel!: This couple got engaged on the Weather Channel (she is a meterologist).

9. Via muppet: OMG. Could this be cuter? This guy made puppets of both he and his fiance and recreated moments in their courtship on video before popping the question.

10. Using the Old Spice: This man used the hot Old Spice man to propose. Kind of confident of him to assume she would still want him after seeing hot Old Spice man!

11. Gigantic boxes: This man hid under a special box he built and tricked his girlfriend into lifting it off him to find him there with a ring.

12. During the Boston Marathon: This dude was running the race but stopped long enough to propose to his lady. How sweet is that?

13. By circus performance: This one actually made me cry it was so sweet. The dude got all his performance art friends together to give his girlfriend the proposal of a lifetime.

14. Musical performance: This one could be fake and is VERY cheesy, but also highly original so it made the cut.

15. Police raid: A lawmaker in Baltimore staged a REAL police raid to propose. HE got in a lot of trouble, but she said yes.

THINGY (thing-ee) n.
For a female: Any part under a car’s hood.
For a male: The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.

VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female: Fully opening up one’s self emotionally to another.
Male: Playing football without a helmet.

COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one’s partner.
Male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the boys.

BUTT (but) n.
Female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes “look bigger.”
Male: what you slap when someone’s scored a touchdown, homerun, or goal. Also good for mooning.

COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one’s girlfriend.

ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male: Anything that can be done while drinking.

FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female: An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
Male: An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding.

MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male: Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.

REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every three minutes.

The standard date of dinner and a movie is the same in Japan, but what is considered attractive, how people meet, and get married may be quite different. And in a country where nothing is quite what it appears on the surface, relationships are rarely simple.

Foreigners Dating Japanese: For Him

It’s widely believed that western men are very popular with Japanese women, that a rather average guy from the states comes to Japan and everyone thinks he looks like Tom Cruise. I’m here to tell you this is absolutely true. I can’t count how many times I’ve seen a dorky looking westerner with a beautiful Japanese girl on his arm. I guess I fall into this category; lord knows what my wife saw in me. So what’s the attraction? Western men tend to be bigger than Japanese men and blond hair and blue eyes are considered exotic and attractive. Even after many years of marriage, my wife sometimes looks at me, “Oh my gosh, you have blue eyes!” Also, Japan is not a “ladies first” culture, so if a guy treats a Japanese girl with basic good manners like opening doors and such, she tends to be really impressed. Remember, she wants to be treated like a princess. Japan has a lot of social norms on behavior, but for her, the western man is outside the loop. She doesn’t have to pretend with him and be completely herself. Relationships tend to develop faster in Japan and the “heavy stuff”, the deep dark secrets come a lot sooner than expected, even in the first couple of weeks. Japanese Women are more interested in foreign languages and travel than men. A lot of women tend to study English in college and over 50% of students at most language schools are women. Whereas men tend to study English more for their jobs, she studies for a hobby or travel.

This view of western men is not limited to dating. Japanese men, especially employers can be easily impressed with westerners. Even today, all things being equal, a blond haired, blue-eyed western man would be preferred in the office. And there is no cooler Japanese man than the one who can carry on a natural conversation in English with a foreigner. This stereotype was nowhere more apparent than in the hilarious comic strip, “Charisma Man” that ran in English speaking newspapers in Japan. It followed the adventures of a skinny, wimpy Canadian man who when he got off the plane in Japan was transformed into a buffed hunk with amazing powers to attract Japanese women and impress Japanese men. “Charisma Man’s” only nemesis was “Western Woman” who could easily see through his façade.

Foreigners Dating Japanese: For Her

The same is not necessarily true for foreign women. It’s not that they aren’t attracted to Japanese men or don’t think they’re interesting. The number one complaint from foreign women about Japanese men is that they are too passive and don’t take the initiative. She’s frustrated. She see’s her western male co-workers with a different girl every week, but she keeps waiting for the Japanese guy she knows is interested in her to ask her out. She spends many nights alone. In general, Japanese tend to think foreign women are very beautiful. And many Japanese suffer from a chronic lack of self-esteem In his mind, the Japanese man thinks, he’s not good enough or she’s out of his league. For many this can completely turn her off to dating Japanese guys and she goes back to her home country disappointed. On the other hand, I personally know several foreign women who got married to a Japanese and are very happy together.

Another option is working as a hostess. Young pretty foreign girls can have a very good time and make a lot money as hostesses at “snack bars.” Japanese men, usually rich ones will line up to take out such girls. These relationships tend to be shallow and she’s viewed more as a mistress he can brag about to his friends.

Marriage

“Omiai”, arranged marriages

Arranged marriages are still quite common in Japan. In times long past this was especially common between two wealthy families and the couple concerned had little or nothing to say about it. Americans might cringe at the whole idea and the lack of freedom, but today it’s rarely the case. Today it might be better termed an “arranged meeting” that might result in marriage. The couple concerned are under no obligation to get married. A young man or woman may have several omiai and refuse all. They are often arranged by a professional matchmaker, usually an older woman. Sometimes she may simply be a family friend or relative. The matchmaker takes many practical variables into consideration other than love; job, social standing, compatibility, and children are all carefully considered. Omiai are a good option for people who are shy or too busy to meet people. If successful, these meetings often result in long and happy marriages.

Long before getting married, Japanese have a formal engagement ceremony called “Uino”. This is a meeting and celebration between the two families and is complete with traditional decorations and food.

Marriage to a Foreigner

Getting married to a foreigner in Japan is not particularly difficult, but it does require some special paperwork. Japan has what are known as family registries. These are formal documents kept at city hall that list all the names of members of a particular family. When a woman gets married and takes her husbands name, her name is officially removed from her parent’s registry and added to her husband’s family’s. The problem is, foreigners can’t have family registries. Why?, well I don’t know. This was how it was when I got married. In these cases, they created a new family registry for my wife, now with my last name. And my children were added to this. But, my name does not appear anywhere on this registry. In a sense, I’m a member of my wife’s registry, in another sense, I don’t exist. But Japanese laws regarding foreigners are changing and this may all be different in the not too distant future, along with the Alien Registration Card (ARC) which all foreigners living in Japan must posses. These changes are not being done so much to give foreigners more equal rights and privileges, but to cut down on a mountain of extra paperwork that city halls and government workers must now deal with.

Most Japanese sleep on futons on the floor, which are quite comfortable, though many people sleep in beds, too. It’s quite common in Japan for babies and young children to sleep together in the same futon between the parents. I know what you’re thinking. Does this cut into the couple’s love life, well yes it does. However, there are many practical reasons for this arrangement. There may be a lack of space. But, especially if the baby wakes up in the middle of the night, the mother is already there. Nursing is made easy.

Dating Japanese