via mentalfloss.com

Here are some signs and notices written in English that were discovered throughout the world. Enjoy them!

In a Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.

In a Vienna hotel:
In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.

In the offices of a loan company:
Ask about our plans for owning your home.

In the window of an Oregon store:
Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?

In a City restaurant:
Open seven days a week and weekends.

A sign seen on a restroom dryer at O'Hare Field in Chicago:
Do not activate with wet hands.

Hotel brochure, Italy:
This hotel is renowned for its piece and solitude. In fact, crowds from all over the world flock here to enjoy its solitude.

At a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.


At a zoo in Nanjing, China:
Please don't hurt the animals while teasing them.

Outside a Paris dress shop:
Dresses for street walking.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.

Sign in Egyptian hotel:
If you require room service, please open door and shoud, "Room service!"

In a Tokyo hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notis.

Tokyo hotel's rules ad regulations:
Guests are requested not to smoke or do other disguisting behaviors in bed.

In another Japanese hotel room:
Please to bathe inside the tub.

On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.

A sign on the door leading to an outside smoking area in Japan:
Building asks a smoked visitor in the outside smoking section that you cannot smoke in.

An advert for Tokai University Open House Day:
Tokai University Open campus for your mind only.

In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.

In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 a.m. daily.

In a Nairobi restaurant:
Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager.

On the main road to Mombasa, leaving Nairobi:
Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable.

In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

Spotted in a safari park:
Elephants please stay in your car

Notice in a field:
The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges

On the menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
It is strictly forbidden on our Black Forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.

This is the reason that people who speak more sensible languages approach English with stumbling trepidation. English is insane. It has the capacity to confuse even the smartest of its native speakers—including scientists, engineers, and company presidents—especially when it has to be put down on paper.


1. YOU’RE and YOUR
If you have no idea when to use which … well, you’re not on your own. This is perhaps the most common mistake of all. Heaven knows why. The distinction is really quite simple:
You’re is used to substitute the words you are.
Your is a word you use when referring to something that belongs to the person you’re speaking to. “Your purse,” “your coat,” and so on—and not “Your late!” or “Your wrong!”

2. IT’S and ITS
Close cousins of you’re and your, it’s and its suffer about the same amount of misuse.
It’s (with an apostrophe) replaces It is or It has. (It’s easy to remember!)
Its (with no apostrophe) refers to something that belongs to “it.” (Its meaning is clear!)

3. THEY’RE, THEIR, and THERE
Ah, the triple treat … or terror, as the case may be.
They’re is short for They are.
Their refers to something that belongs to “them.”
And there is simply “not here.”
“They’re going to their house, which is over there.”

4. TO and TOO
When you mean overly, please remember to add the extra O—or face the consequences. I once received a heated text message that was meant to make me angry: “TO BAD!” it shouted in loud, aggressive capitals. I ended up in uncontrollable giggles instead. Too bad indeed.

5. LOOSE and LOSE
This one really drives me batty. And when I lose my mind, I often let loose a string of expletives. When what you want to say is the opposite of find, then lose the extra O. Loose (with two o’s) is the opposite of tight.

Like I said, these little confusions are pretty common. They don’t actually bother me half as much as the non-words I often find littering notes, emails … even official business memos. Words like:

6. IRREGARDLESS
Hundreds of people use this word (often with passion!), both in speech and writing, every day—but the truth is, it doesn’t exist! The real word is regardless.

7. ALOT
Anyone who insists this is a word is spouting ALOT of baloney. If you’ve ever written this non-word, what you probably meant was either a lot (meaning “many”) or allot (to ration or allocate).

8. AHOLD
Boy, would I love to get a hold (two words, not one) of the person who decided to just forget the space and make up “ahold new word.”

Guilty? Don’t sweat it. Its nothing to loose sleep over. Your not to bad. Their are alot of people in the same boat, irregardless of what you may think. Just get ahold of you’reself, take a few mental notes, and move on from here.

The ever-present hum of the vuvuzela during this year's soccer World Cup catapulted the plastic trumpet to prominence and now it has earned a place in the Oxford Dictionary of English.

Vuvuzela is among 2,000 new words and phrases added to the third edition of the dictionary, published on Thursday, which is compiled from analysis of two billion words used in everything from novels to internet message boards.

The credit crunch features heavily in this year's additions, with terms such as "overleveraged," having taken on too much debt and "quantitative easing," the introduction of new money in to the money supply by the central bank, among those included.

"Staycation," a holiday spent in one's home country, and "bargainous," costing less than usual, also reflect the hot topic of belt-tightening among consumers during the economic downturn.

The rise of "social media," itself a new term, has spawned several additions, including "defriend," removing someone from a list of friends or contacts on a social networking site, and "tweetup," a meeting organized via posts on Twitter. Other words include:

Bromance: a close but non-sexual relationship between two men

Buzzkill: a person or thing that has a depressing or dispiriting effect

Cheeseball: lacking taste, style or originality

Chillax: calm down and relax

Frenemy: a person with whom one is friendly despite a fundamental dislike or rivalry

"Grey" is the preferred spelling in Britain, whereas "gray" is more popular in America. You can remember the difference by thinking that the "a" in "gray" is for "American."

I'm American, but I enjoy Earl Grey tea (named after Charles Grey, 2nd Earl Grey, the British Prime Minister from 1830 to 1834), and I regularly look at my tea box, so I was often confused about the spelling before I came up with the "a"-is-for-American memory trick.

Following the British-versus-American pattern, Gray's Anatomy is a well-known medical textbook written by British anatomist Henry Gray, and Grey's Anatomy is an American medical drama that airs on ABC.

Nowadays, "people" is almost always the right choice when you are talking about more than one person. Some dictionaries don't even include "persons" as the plural of "person" anymore, and the few dictionaries that do include "persons" note that it is uncommon, archaic, or going out of style.

Traditionally, "people" was proper when referring to a mass of people:

John couldn't believe how many people were at the wrestling match.


"Persons" was proper when referring to a distinct number of individuals:

John noted that eight persons showed up for the book club meeting.

This is an especially fun tip to write; it was specially designed for your enjoyment. Does that help you see the difference between "especially" and "specially"?

* This market is especially tough on retirees.
* Chocolate, especially dark chocolate, was Squiggly's weakness.

"Specially" usually means "in a special or careful manner" or "specifically."

* Aardvark delivered the specially minted commemorative coins.
* The cake had been specially prepared for the occasion.

Let’s get right to the point. Misusing words makes you look less intelligent than you really are. If you misuse words in your writing, it can damage your credibility and diminish the point you’re trying to make. Even worse, it could completely change the meaning of the sentence.

2. Affect/Effect- The way you “affect” someone can have an “effect” on them. “Affect” is usually a verb and “Effect” is a noun.

3. Alright- If you use “alright,” go to the chalkboard and write “Alright is not a word” 100 times.

4. Capital/Capitol- “Capitol” generally refers to an official building. “Capital” can mean the city which serves as a seat of government or money or property owned by a company. “Capital” can also mean “punishable by death.”

5. Complement/Compliment- I often must compliment my wife on how her love for cooking perfectly complements my love for grocery shopping.

6. Comprise/Compose- 32 parts comprise the article I am composing.

7. Could Of- Of the 32 mistakes on this list, this is the one that bothers me most. It’s “could have” not “could of.” When you hear people talking, they’re saying “could’ve.” Got it?

8. Desert/Dessert- A desert is a hot, dry patch of sand. Dessert, on the other hand, is the sweet, fatty substance you eat at the end of your meal.

9. Discreet/Discrete- We can break people into two discrete (separate) groups, the discreet (secretive) and indiscreet.

10. Emigrate/Immigrate- If I leave this country to move to Europe, the leaving is emigrating and the arriving is immigrating.

11. Elicit/Illicit- Some people post illicit things on message boards to elicit outrageous reactions from others.

12. Farther/Further- Farther is used for physical distance, where as further means to a greater degree.

13. Fewer/Less- Use fewer when referring to something that can be counted one-by-one. Use less when it’s something that doesn’t lend itself to a simple numeric amount.

14. Flair/Flare- A flair is a talent, while a flare is a burst (of anger, fire, etc.)

15. i.e/e.g- I.e. is used to say “in other words.” E.g. is used in place of “for example.”

16. Inflammable- Don’t let the prefix confuse you, if something is inflammable it can catch on fire.

17. It’s/Its- It’s= it is. Its=a possessive pronoun meaning of it or belonging to. Whatever you do, please don’t use its’.

18. Imply/Infer- A reader infers what an author implies. In other words, when you imply something, you hint at it. When you infer something, you draw a conclusion based on clues.

19. Literally- If you say “His head literally exploded because he was so mad!” then we should see brains splattered on the ceiling.

20. Lose/Loose- If your pants are too loose you may lose them. That would be almost as embarrassing as misusing these two words.

21. Moral/Morale- Morals are something you want to teach your kids. If your team’s morale is low, you need to do something to boost their confidence.

22. Percent/Percentage- The word “percent” should only be used when a specific number is given. “Percentage” is more of a general term.

23. Stationary/Stationery- You are stationary when you aren’t moving. Stationery is something you write on.

24. Then/Than- “Then” is another word for “after.” Incidentally, the word “then” makes for boring writing. “Than” is a comparative word (e.g. I am smarter than you).

25. There/Their/They’re- There are few things as frustrating as when I look at my students’ writing and they’re misusing these words in their writing.

26. Unique- Something can’t be “kind of unique” or even “very unique.” It’s either one-of-a-kind or it isn’t. There is no in between when it comes to unique.

27. Your/You’re- If I had a nickel for every time I saw this one… yeah, you know the rest. “Your” shows ownership and you’re is a contraction meaning “you are.” Get it right.

28. To/Too/Two- Two is a number. “To” is used in instances such as, “I am going to the store.” If you are supposed to use the word “too,” try inserting the word “extra” or “also.” If one of those fits, you need to also add the extra “o” to make “too.”

29. Lie/Lay- After you lay the books on the table, go lie down on the couch.

30. Sit/Set- Set your drink on the table and sit in your chair. Got it?

31. Whose/Who’s- Whose is the possesive form of who. Who’s is a contraction meaning “who is.”

32. Allude/Elude- When someone alludes to something in conversation (indirectly references), if you aren’t paying attention the meaning may elude you (escape you).

Which misused words drive you crazy? Share them in the comments.

It produces diagrams reminiscent of a neural net. The different colours represents verbs, nouns, adjectives etc. and you only have to add a word to get started. Give it a try - you might find this a useful tool.

The difference between "till" and the more-correct sounding "until" is simple: You cannot put money into an until and you cannot (at least, without a great deal of trouble) until the south forty -- minor spelling error aside.

When you're talking about a period of time that must lapse before something happens, "till" and "until" are equivalent. Don't believe it? Check a dictionary. "Till" actually came first, and "until" followed more recently.

"'Til" is also an acceptable shortened form of "until," but the American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language says the form is "etymologically incorrect."

Unless you work in a field such as law, most commonly the word you're looking for is "uninterested." "Uninterested" simply means not interested: I am uninterested in fishing.

"Disinterested" means impartial. A disinterested person has no personal stake in taking a stand on the issue. For example, judges must be disinterested in the cases they try.

Some style guides indicate that the use of "disinterested" in the place of "uninterested" is gaining steam, but if you don't want to anger the purists, use "uninterested" when you mean not interested.

Both words mean essentially the same thing. They provide the connotation of sitting around in expectation of something, but they are used differently.

"To wait" does not take an object. You could simply say, "I waited." If you want to explain what you're sitting around in expectation of, you could use "for":

I waited for my mom to be done.

"To await" does take an object. You cannot say, "I awaited." You have to follow it with more information; you cannot use "for" with "await."

I awaited my mom.

"To await" sounds a bit more formal than "to wait," so in normal conversation you should probably stick with "I waited for my mom."

You would never serve supper at noon, but you might have dinner at midday -- although today it makes more sense to call that one lunch.

In earlier times, dinner was a heavy meal that farm laborers ate to sustain themselves through a long afternoon. Its use has changed with modern life, but it can still suggest a fuller evening meal, while supper can be lighter evening fare.