1.Make a regular habit of being late- make sure you are AT LEAST 15 minutes late every day. 5 minutes won't work because of varying clocks and the fact that you may have had to drive around for 3 minutes trying to find a parking spot in the perpetually overcrowded parking lot. No, it has to be at least 15 minutes. When you get reprimanded for it, boldly tell your boss, if you were getting paid more, you may make an effort to get up earlier.

 2. Come to work hammered. Nothing says "I hate this f-ing place" like coming to work smelling like you slept in a brewery vat. This is super effective when you start becoming loud and belligerent with all your co-workers. Then slur your words as you are talking to a client on the phone. Take a nap/pass out at your desk after being at work for only 15 minutes. You will be handed your pink slip before noon, no doubt. Then you have the rest of the afternoon to celebrate.

 3.Start spreading rumors about the boss. This is the most fun for those with a creative mind. There are many ways this can be done, my personal favorite is the OFFICE MEMO. Tell everyone that you saw him in the drugstore buying penis enlargement supplements. Or that a friend of a friend saw him/her in a seedy part of town soliciting sex from a streetwalker. The best one by far is claiming you slept with the boss and it left something to be desired. This makes you look just as bad, but what do you care? You hate all this overpaid miscreants anyway.

 4. Come to work dressed in beach clothes and flip flops. Wear the most outrageous, obnoxious shirt and/or sun dress you can find. And effective way for a man to get fired is to come to work in the sundress.....with no underwear on. Wear sunglasses and a straw hat and refuse to take them off. Tell your boss, since he is such an a-hole and you never get to go anywhere on vacation, you are bringing the vacation to the office. Then follow it up with the hand in the face and loudly yell Booyah!

 5. Put laxative in the company coffee pot. Then announce it to everyone with a claim of trying to make everyone "regular".

 6. Make lots of personal calls and emails where you complain about everyone within earshot. Tell your friends that you work in a breeding ground for imbeciles. And that you believe the guy in the next cubicle only showers weekly. Ensure you calls are loud and boisterous and your emails are gritty and descriptive, laced with profanity.

 7. Call in sick, then come in the next day with a new haircolor, preferably something off the wall like blue. Tell everyone how you spent the day shopping with your friends and getting your hair done. Tell them you are now suffering from a hangover because you went to the bar last night, and didn't get in until 2am.

 8. Leave the water in the kitchen running and shove lots of paper towels in the drain. When the water starts overflowing run screaming through the office "FLOOD, FLOOD, everyone out!!!" Explain to your boss that you were trying to wash your laundry in the sink and something got stuck.

 9. Don't come in to work. For a week. Do not call, do not send an email, just don't show up. When your boss questions you on it the next time you grace everyone with your presence, tell him you were being held in jail for parole violations, stemming from an "incident" at your old job.

 10. Steal. Anything, everything you can get your hands on. The most effective way is to walk out with a big ticket item, like the copier or a computer. Pretend like nothing is wrong when questioned as you walk out the door. Tell the receptionist you are stealing it, then hawking it for drug money.


via voices.yahoo.com
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Funny cartoon of the day

Funny cartoon of the day