Father's Day: 10 topics not to talk to your father

This Sunday, fathers and daughters everywhere will be spending quality time together talking about important life issues, reminiscing about stories from childhood, and waxing poetic about the future. While we highly encourage dad/daughter bonding, we’ve compiled this handy list of awkward conversations you may want to avoid if you plan on having a pleasant holiday with dad. After the jump, some unapproved conversation topics this Father’s Day.

1. How much you hate your stepmother/step-siblings. Even if you really do hate your new family so much you want to scream it from the rooftop, try to pretend like you don’t for just one day.

2. How heavy your flow has been lately. Any conversation where your vagina is involved is TMI for dad.

3. The story of your conception. Visa versa, any story where your dad’s penis is involved, even if it in the context of your creation, is TMI for you.

4. Your wild and crazy sex life. New addition to your sex toy collection? The guy you’re dating gave you a facial last night? You occasionally like to fool around with women? That’s wild and crazy! Congrats! But don’t tell dad.

5. That thing your therapist said about him. Dad may be to blame for the abandonment issues you are currently unpacking in therapy, but he doesn’t need to hear about it on Father’s Day. So basically, you may want to wait to share that cutting observation about him being a narcissist that your therapist made last session.

6. How bad you used to be. If dad didn’t already figure out how often you snuck out of the house when you were a teenager, where you hid your pot, or about that time you took his car out for a joyride when you were 14, no need to tell him now. Let him continue thinking you are perfect.

7. The things about him that are total dealbreakers for you in a relationship. “Hey dad, I steer clear of men with financial issues because I saw how much it affected your and mom’s marriage.” No, no, no.

8. The story of how you lost your V-card. You are still a virgin as far as your father is concerned, let’s keep it that way, shall we?

9. If/when dad cheated on mom. You may suspect or maybe you know he cheated. Maybe your dad is Arnold Schwarzenegger and you have a new brother to prove it. Still ... avoid, avoid, avoid.

10. That secret abortion your sister had. This is not your secret to share. That is item number one on your sister’s unapproved conversation list. Stop copying everything she does.

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