Is your man a lover or a fighter? A cheater or a charmer? According to research from all over the globe, you can tell a lot about a man just by looking at him. Yep, you can actually figure out how long he'll last in bed by the size of his belly, or how compassionate he is based on the shape of his nose. Gathering data from scientists, medical doctors and engineers, The UK's Mirror has compiled this list of characteristics to help you decipher if you're with a quality guy.

I'm not a huge believer in statistics. After all, they make sweeping assumptions while still only sampling a teeny-tiny portion of the population, but I delved deeper and some of these have me wondering ....

  • Hefty men make for longer lovers. Maybe skinny dudes eat less, and are all weak or something, but the real reason seems to be, heavier men have more female hormones, and more female hormones makes it easier for them to go the distance. This study shows that large lovers last over 5 minutes longer than skinny guys.
  • When it comes to a sign of intelligence, bald men are smarter. Their average IQ is 4 points above their full-head-of-hair counterparts.
  • Speaking of hair, guys with thick, dark eyebrows are not only friendlier, but they're nicer to their friends. A guy with messy eyebrows is likely a mess in real life, too.
  • Green eyes may be sexy, and blue eyes most desirable, but brown eyed men make the best family guys.
  • His nose knows what type of person he is. Long and wide noses are a sign of creativity and passion. Snub nosed men make for more attentive partners. The more turned up the nose, the more adventurous he'll be in bed.
  • But one thing you still can't tell is the size of his junk. No matter how big his feet or the distance between fingers, until you actually see his penis, you won't know the thick, or the thin, of that one.
thestir.cafemom.com
She already has the perfect body, a wardrobe that any young girl would die for and several fast cars, so it seems only fair that Barbie gets a perfect home too.

The world's most famous doll has had a house remodelled as a tribute to the blonde bombshell.

In honour of Barbie's 50th birthday last week, California-based toymaker Mattel unveiled the famous Malibu Dream House this weekend.

Mattel hired the interior designer Jonathan Adler to transform the 3,500 square foot property in Malibu into a shrine for the ultimate Californian girl.

Mr Adler said he designed the home to be 'happy chic,' hence the gaudy, gift-wrapped, cherry-on-top feel to the place, AOL Real Estate reports.

The bedroom is a riot of fabric at Barbie's Malibu Dream House

The house is top to bottom kitsch and features a chandelier made of Barbie hair.

There is a closet filled with thousands of shoes and a sunburst mirror made from 65 Barbie dolls.

The bedroom matches her gender-stereotyped favorite color: Pink.

There's a games room with a pool table complete with balls that are ... pink!

One of the living rooms

The living room has pink and white lampshades, pink cushions and the centrepiece on the impressive mirrored wall is a portrait of the middle-aged glamour girl herself.

The beachfront house is not open to the public, but in May Mr Adler will be taking some of the signature designs from the property and making a Barbie suite at The Palms Hotel in Las Vegas.

That room will be viewable by the public and also can be rented for parties.

The games room, complete with pool table, wall mounted TV and audio equipment

Mattel also unveiled the newest version of Barbie.

The new Barbie dolls are being sold at the cheap price of $3 for one week at select stores.

That was how much it cost 50 years ago when it first was introduced at the New York Toy Fair in 1959.

dailymail.co.uk
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Gross opulence or a severe case of vanity it may be, but it's hard no to be impressed by this huge piece of graffiti. Or is it mega-landscaping? Or a new waterway? Frankly, it could be any of the above.

Measuring 1,000 meters high, and two miles wide, the name "HAMAD" has been etched into the island of Al Futaisi just off the coast of Abu Dhabi, United Arab Emirates. The letters are dug so deep that they form an artificial waterway when filled with seawater and it is so large that it can be easily spotted by satellite -- this landmark will be around for some time to come. So, who is Hamad? That would be the 63 year-old billionaire Hamad Bin Hamdan Al Nahyan.

As a member of the ruling family of the oil-rich nation, Hamad is used to living it large. He built a pyramid to house 200 of his personal cars. He also built the world's largest truck, large enough to build four bedrooms in the cabin. Oh yes, and he has a motor home shaped like the Earth, exactly one-millionth the size... of the Earth.

Needless to say, Hamad didn't dig this latest extravagance by himself with a bucket and spade. He had some help from a team of his workmen who took weeks to complete the endeavor. There's no word on how much it cost to dig.

Out of interest, you can see "HAMAD" yourself by typing the coordinates "24.3442, 54.3255" into Google Earth or Google Maps.



news.discovery.com
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*Sext (that is, for those who don't know, send sexy pictures of themselves via text)

The New York Times recently reported on a new study that finds women are more likely to send sexy text messages than men. Two university researchers arrived at their results after they surveyed over 5,000 adult visitors to the infidelity web site, AshleyMadison.com. This website targets married men and women, and it attracts people who are or are looking to cheat.

The survey asked users questions about their internet use, sexual behaviors and demographics, where two-thirds of women surveyed were found to have sent sexy text messages in comparison to half of men.

These results came as no surprise Dr. Kholos Wysocki, one of the researchers, because she knows a lot of young men "who are constantly getting naked pictures from women on their phones." To her, sexting is on the rise and in a post-Weiner era, we know this to be true.

Yet, the results of this study are a little skewed as the adult visitors to AshleyMadison.com aren't a national representation of everyone who may or may not sext today.

Even so, sexting is still prevalent in society today and if you're going to send someone your naughty pictures, we suggest you take a look over our rules for sending lewd pictures first. Inspired by the Weiner and Favre scandals, we give you a list of do's and don'ts for sending sexts. After all, you wouldn't want your mother to get that close-up shot of your crotch, would you?

yourtango.com
Police search for the remains of students outside Okawa Elementary School in Ishinomaki, Japan, this month.

Reporting from Ishinomaki, Japan— For months now, the drill has been the same: Mamoru Oikawa grabs a shovel and chainsaw and gathers up the three precious photographs.

Then he ventures out alone, on foot, on a mission that has become a painful personal obsession. He is a husband and father desperately trying to reclaim what he has lost.

The 30-year-old firefighter combs the riverbanks, rubble-strewn rice fields and weed-choked gullies where he thinks he might find them. He uses the shovel to pry up chunks of concrete, the saw to slice through jagged shards of wood, looking for that chance macabre encounter: the jutting form of a hand, a face.

Oikawa is searching for the bodies of his wife and baby daughter, who disappeared March 11 when the earthquake-triggered tsunami washed across this rural landscape, pulling houses from their foundations and dragging residents to their deaths.

The disaster hit this farm and fishing community of 160,000 hard. Of 8,000 people still missing across northeastern Japan, 2,770 are from Ishinomaki; it also has the highest confirmed death toll, 3,100.

Oikawa knows he will never find his family alive. More likely, if he locates their bodies at all, they will be horribly decomposed, the remains perhaps ravaged by animals. But Oikawa doesn't care. He just wants them back.

Often, in moments of doubt, as he scours country back roads and rarely trodden trails, he takes out the photographs of his 29-year-old wife, Emi, and 15-month-old Atsuki and he talks to them.

"I'm sorry," he says softly. "I'm sorry."

In Japanese, Mamoru means "to protect," and he chastises himself for failing so miserably with the two people he loved most.

He's sorry that he couldn't protect them; sorry that he wasn't there when the waves took them; sorry that they had such shortened lives.

This region is full of survivors with missing friends and family members. Yet as the weeks and months pass, most slowly relinquish their slim hope of ever recovering the dead.

But Oikawa says he won't stop until he finds his wife and daughter.

"I'll still be looking next year," he said, "and the year after that."

Full story at latimes
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Many languages have been claimed to be the hardest language to learn. But which is actually the toughest? There are a number of factors that go into determining the complexity of a language. Factors like how close is the new language to your native tongue? Research has shown that languages that are similar in grammar and structure to your native tongue are often easier to grasp. The fact of the matter is each language has a different degree of difficulty. No one language is easy to learn. The following is a list of the hardest languages to learn.

1. Arabic
Why it’s so difficult: Arabic has very few words that resemble those of European languages. Witten Arabic also uses fewer vowels, which can be extremely difficult for those learning to read the language.

2. Chinese
Why it’s so difficult: Chinese is a tonal language, in which meaning changes as you change the tone of a word. Also, thousands of characters and a complex writing system make learning Chinese a formidable task.

3. Japanese
Why it’s so difficult: Being similar to Chinese, Japanese language learners need to memorize thousands of characters. Three different writing systems and two syllabary systems – i.e. sets of written symbols that approximate syllables - add to the difficulty.

4. Korean
Why it’s so difficult: Different sentence structure, syntax, and verb conjugations make learning Korean extremely difficult for those who come from a European background. Written Korean also relies on many of the difficult Chinese characters.

5. Hungarian
Why it’s so difficult: Hungarian is one of the hardest as it has masculine, feminine and neuter genders as well as about 7 different verb conjugations. It is also one of a handful of “independent” languages, meaning no one really knows their origins and they are not linked to any base language set like Latin (French, Spanish, Italian).

6.Polish
Why it’s so difficult: A main difficulty in the Polish language is its alphabet; it is comparable to Latin with a few discrepancies. Polish is also an inflection language like Latin, using 7 cases to define noun usage in a sentence. A mark of its difficulty can be seen in its youth; most people do not master Polish until they reach 16.

7. Finnish
Why it’s so difficult: Finnish is a highly phonological language; word construction rules are determined by how the letter sounds. For example, the vowels are phonetically divided into two classes. The rule states that a word can only contain vowels from one class. A student must also learn how to distinguish sounds in consonants as well. For example, sounds such as "p", "t" and "k" are called stop consonants, which have their own rules of use.
Russian

8. Russian
Why it’s so difficult: Vocabulary is particularly hard because of the many ways words are created. Adding a prefix or suffix to the word makes its meaning completely different. Russian is also notably difficult because of its two pairs of consonants: plain and palatalized. The distinction between the two is made through stressing certain sounds in a word.

9. Estonian
Why it’s so difficult: Estonian has 12 different cases in its grammatical system; a case is when a word inflects based on its use in a sentence. There is also a distinction for "impersonal" subjects -- an undetermined subject -- in Estonian language; there are particular word forms that need to be used when impersonal subjects perform an action.
Icelandic

10. Icelandic
Why it’s so difficult: Icelandic is particularly difficult because it remained mostly archaic; words have generally not evolved to a more modern use. As a result, many Icelandic words cannot be easily translated. Because of this, students learning Icelandic typically have to solely rely on listening to native speakers.

11. German
Why it’s so difficult: German is highly inflected in both nouns and verbs. For noun inflections, it has 4 different cases and 3 different genders. German also has multiple infinitives, potentially creating long chains of verbs at the end of each sentence. This is because verbs are located at the very end of subordinate clauses; applicable infinitives have to be added to each one.

ehow.com, thirdage.com
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Physicians are great at doling out health-related wisdom — after all, it’s their job. But doctors who follow healthy habits themselves may be better at advising patients to make positive changes like losing weight or exercising, according to a 2010 study in the journal Preventive Cardiology. In other words, docs who walk the walk may give their patients more useful, inspiring advice when they talk the talk.

So we asked top experts which health tricks they personally swear by — and gleaned great info to boost your mood, steam up your sex life, prevent cancer, stave off heart attacks, and more.

The Dermatologist Says: Check for Moles

“I check my skin for moles on the first of every month.”

Elizabeth Tanzi, MD, clinical instructor of dermatology at Johns Hopkins Hospital in Washington, D.C.

Do a full self-skin exam monthly and report any changes to your doctor right away. Although one American dies of melanoma every hour, it’s almost 100 percent curable when detected early.”

The Psychologist Says: Think Positive Thoughts

“I think of three good things that I’m grateful for every day.”

Marian Stuart, PhD, author of The Fifteen Minute Hour: Therapeutic Talk in Primary Care

There are all kinds of stress management techniques that work wonders — eat healthy, remember to breathe, get enough sleep, exercise. But for me, it makes a difference to think of three good things that happen to me each day. Focusing on small, happy things helps cultivate positive thoughts, which release stress-lowering chemicals, such as dopamine, into your brain.

The ER Doctor Says: Buckle Up

“I always wear a three-point seatbelt in the car, even when I’m only changing parking spaces.”

Richard O’Brien, MD, spokesperson for American College of Emergency Physicians

Even when you just pull out of a parking space, it’s possible to lose control and hit a pole or collide with unexpected traffic. Airbags don’t inflate when you’re hit from behind, so you can be thrown into the steering wheel or windshield. And you’re better off strapped into your seat in a rollover — SUVs can roll over while going as slowly as 35 miles an hour during the winter. Seatbelts save lives and can prevent serious injuries.

The Ob-Gyn Says: Get Busy!

“I have plenty of sex — at least three to four times a week.”

Andrew Scheinfeld, MD, clinical instructor at NYU Langone Medical Center in New York City

The benefits of sex are similar to those of eating well and working out frequently. A fulfilling sex life can bolster your immune system, improve blood flow, help with sleep problems, and even decrease migraine headaches. A noted study found that we should all have 200 orgasms a year in order to reap the best health benefits. That’s about three to four times a week.

The Neurologist Says: Keep Tabs on Your Meds

“I keep a current list of all my medications, supplements, over-the-counter drugs and allergies on a laminated index card.”

Orly Avitzur, MD, MBA, editor-in-chief of the American Academy of Neurology Web site, AAN.com.

It's important to have an accurate list in the event of an emergency so hospital staff can help treat you optimally. A written list helps doctors take care of you better and reduces errors.

The Radiologist Says: Know Your Breast Density

“I get regular mammograms and ask about my breast density.”

Stacey Vitiello, MD, breast imaging radiologist at Regional Radiology in Staten Island, N.Y.

Annual mammograms starting at age 40, or earlier, if you have a personal or family history, are important. But dense breast tissue is another risk factor for breast cancer (some studies indicate as much as a five-fold increase in risk), so always ask about your breast density after your mammogram.

The Chiropractor Says: Eat Breakfast

“I eat breakfast every morning, specifically, eggs with baked vegetables.”

William Barrett, MD, chief clinical officer of ChiroCare in Shoreview, Minn.

Research shows that breakfast eaters have an easier time losing weight and maintaining a healthy weight.

The Cardiologist Says: Exercise Daily

“I exercise every day, even on vacation.”

Larry Santora, MD, interventional and preventive cardiology medical director at the Heart and Vascular Wellness Center at St. Joseph Hospital in Orange County, Calif.

Exercise relaxes the arteries; lowers levels of stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisone; reduces blood sugar; raises good HDL cholesterol; helps prevent abnormal heart rhythms, heart attacks and strokes; lowers risk of obesity and related cancers; improves bone density; and boosts testosterone levels in men.

The Dentist Says: Floss Before Bed

“I always floss once a day, at night."

Byron Wall, DDS, a cosmetic dentist and past president of the Albuquerque District Dental Society

Saliva flow slows at night while you sleep, which increases the risk of gum and tooth decay. That’s why it’s especially important to floss — and then brush — before bed, after you've finished eating for the day.

everydayhealth.com

Donna Simpson (43) is setting quite possibly the worst example I have ever seen from a mom, she’s attempting to gain 300 pounds, which will turn her into a 1,000 pound woman and allow her to control a Guinness Book of World Records title, a goal she says she can only accomplish thanks to her 4-year-old daughter who helps her mom shop, prepare her food and even assist in her disgusting feeding habits.

To reach her goal the single mom (no kidding right) has to spend upwards of $580 to $750 per week plus expenses and to make that money she runs OfficialDonnaSimpson.com, a site where people pay to watch her eat and flaunt her fab.



According to the morbidly obese female, 7,000 paying members pay as much as $7.95 for a three day pass to her website or $19.95 for a monthly account, allowing her to earn approximately $100,000 per year.

Among the sites biggest draws are videos that include eating a pie and wearing a blue dress, along with more than 270 photos.

Simpson says some fans of the site will even send her protein shake powder and other fatty surprises so she can pack on more fat.

While she claims she’s not hurting anyone, she can’t go out to regular events with her own daughter and she suffers not surprisingly from diabetes, high blood pressure and heart disease. Thankfully her daughter prefers salads, health foods and active sports.

Donna says the Guinness Records title will help her website grow beyond her fellow competition.

Here’s a video of Donna Simpson at 700 pounds, just be warned, it’s not pretty:



It should be noted that news of Donna Simpson isn’t new, various agencies reported on her goal earlier in the year, however since that time she’s packed on approximately 100 additional pounds.

inquisitr.com
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A JAPANESE theme park is getting ready to unveil the world's steepest roller coaster, with a 121 degree incline and speeds of 100 kilometres per hour.



The ride, which cost a whopping $40 million to build, is found at the Fuji-Q Highland Amusement Park in Yamanash, and has been named 'Takabisha' - which means 'dominant' in English.

According to The Daily Mail, Takabisha, which has Mt Fuji as a backdrop, is set to open on July 16 this year.

It's packed with jaw-dropping features including seven twists, blackened tunnels and a 43 metre high peak, 1,000m long. But the most impressive thing about Takabisha is the freefall at 121 degrees, which is so steep it's Guinness Book of Records-worthy.



Relying on a combination of gravity and a set of linear motors attached to the cars, you'll be strapped in and flung down the incline at 100 km/h, experiencing a feeling of weightlessness as you go.

The current Guinness World Record-holding roller coaster is the UK's Mumbo Jumbo ride at Flamingoland in Yorkshire. This ride has held the title of "The World's Steepest Roller Coaster" since July 2009, but with an incline of just 112 degrees, Takabisha will be an essential 9 degrees steeper.

Once the ride has been certified, it will be the 14th Guinness World Record set by Fuji-Q, which is one of the leading amusement parks in the world for thrill-seekers.

When it's up and running, Takabisha will cost $11.75 (Y1000) to ride, excluding park admission fees.

news.com.au
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Nightly rates start at $44.50, rising to $100 for the Hollywoof Star Suite at peak times.

The Barkley luxury pet hotel sits across the street from the Four Seasons hotel in Los Angeles, an apt location. While guests at the Four Seasons can order breakfast in bed, have a massage or take a swim in the pool, those staying at the Barkley can do the same, plus much much more. The Barkley provides the highest level of luxury for pampered pets.

For those who take their pet's diet as seriously as they take their own, Barkley staff will order in steak from the Four Season's room service menu. There's ahi tuna sushi for the cats that don't like their dinner from a tin.

...With natural dyes dogs can have their ears, paws, or tail coloured pink, blue or green...

The Barkley family of animal care facilities provides a resort-style vacation for dogs, cats, birds, rabbits, snakes and other exotics (may vary by location), by combining homelike amenities with recreational activity. State-of-the-Art Pet Care Facilities & Service Custom designed to feature a clean, secure and fun-filled environment. Meet and exceed all kennel industry standards for luxury boarding, grooming, obedience training, and doggie day care. Trained and caring staff members are the best in the business – providing unparalleled customer service and unmatched animal expertise. Ensure the utmost in each pets comfort, safety and happiness – 24-hours a day, 365 days a year; All while providing owners with incomparable peace-of-mind at an affordable price!

...or be stencilled with leopard spots, zebra stripes, or even an all-American flag design. The design stays put for up to four weeks, and causes no harm or discomfort to the dog.

The Barkley Pet Hotel offers SKYPE technology to pets and their owners. The service allows clients to directly communicate by voice and video chat with their pets. Each 10-minute session begins at a pre- arranged time, where your pet will be brought into the private bone booth. Once there, a technician assists the pet with its communication needs.

A trained pet masseur is on hand to help stressed guests chill out with a back rub.

The Barkley concept was created after 5 years of international research and development by Beverly Hills Pet Hotels, Inc., a specialized pet hotel management firm. Since the flagship facility opened in Orange Village (Cleveland), Ohio, the award-winning concept has quickly become an industry leader in the national luxury pet boarding and grooming business.

See more photos at Telegraph

onlinecleveland.com
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A pub in New Zealand has introduced horse semen to its drinks menu, a stomach-churning addition tinged with the wholesome flavour of apple.



The Green Man Pub in Wellington offers the 30ml shots for a princely sum of £12 - and apparently it's going down a treat with regulars.

The gastro-pub serves the drink chilled fresh from a Christchurch stallion farm and each shot contains about 300 million individual horse sperm cells.

Green Man pub co-owner Steven Drummond is to blame for the grimace-inducing drink, which he explained is knocked back by both male and female customers.

He advises his customers to shoot the sticky horse semen back in one gulp rather than attempt to sip the bizarre concoction.

He came up with the idea when trying to invent a new drink to spice-up a local food challenge.

metro.co.uk
Included amongst the millions of people interested in miniatures was Colleen Moore, a silent film star whose career fizzled a bit when the talkies came out. But movies weren’t her only passion: a love of miniatures was passed down to her from her father, and in 1928, she enlisted the help of a set designer friend to make a remarkably detailed eight-foot miniature “fairy castle.”

This is not your average dollhouse, folks. It's Colleen Moore's Fairy Castle. Here’s a small sampling of the massive treasures contained inside:
  • A mural of Cinderella painted by Walt Disney himself. You can see it in the first color photo above.
  • An interior constructed by famed designer Harold Grieve.
Cinderella's Drawing Room
  • Tiny books with signatures and inscriptions from authors and composers including F. Scott Fitzgerald, Leonard Bernstein, Stephen Sondheim, William Randolph Hearst and Edward Albee.
  • Chandeliers dripping with real diamonds, emeralds and pearls.
  • A set of Royal Doulton china. Only two copies of this set were made; the other set resides in Queen Mary’s dollhouse.
Great Hall
  • Suits of armor made of real silver, given to Colleen by Rudolph Valentino.
  • A sliver of the True Cross. Colleen received this from her friend Clare Booth Luce, the Ambassador to Italy, who received the relic from the Pope.
  • The smallest Bible in the world, printed in 1840.
  • Moore’s mother’s engagement ring, left to Moore by her mother to be repurposed as a vigil light in the chapel of the dollhouse.
The Dining Room

Needless to say, though it cost about $500,000 to construct, it’s a priceless treasure. During the Great Depression, Moore’s dollhouse toured the country to raise money for children’s charities. Stops in most major U.S. cities raised nearly $700,000 between 1935 and 1939. You might wonder how an 8’7” x 8’2” x 7’7” foot palace could travel so easily, but Moore had that covered: she had the fairy castle designed to be broken down into 200 pieces. Each of the rooms have a drawer in specially-designed shipping crates.

Though the tiny palace no longer tours, you can see the castle at its permanent home in the LinkMuseum of Science and Industry in Chicago.

More photos from the Museum of Science and Industry

mentalfloss.com
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No, she's not in a state of shock, nor is she hunting for plankton -- she's simply waiting for the dentist to polish her pearly whites, just like any other conscientious robot. Known as the Showa Hanako 2, this humanoid was originally developed last year as a tool for dentists looking to practice new procedures. Now, engineers at Japan's Showa University have updated their dental denizen, adding a motorized head and replacing her PVC skin with a more realistic silicon coating. She also boasts speech recognition capabilities and can execute freakishly natural movements, including blinking, sneezing, coughing and, under more unsavory circumstances, even choking. See her in action for yourself, after the break.


engadget.com

Children are golden rays of sunshine. They are our pride and joy, our reason for being, the icing on the cake of life. They are also soul-sucking parasites that will rob you of your youth, energy, and hard-earned money. Perhaps this sounds crass, but there’s truth to the conventional wisdom that having kids changes everything. Suddenly your life is no longer your own. So while you’re footloose and child-free, here are thirteen things, from the general (travel) to the specific (ride a mechanical bull), you should do before spitting one out.

1. Travel for an extended period of time. Kids, as lovable as they are, impede mobility. Get a Eurorail pass, book a last-minute airfare deal, and set your auto-response. If a backpack is involved, all the better.

2. Ride a mechanical bull. There is an unspoken rule of motherhood that says, “Thou shalt not put your lady parts on a mechanized beast of burden after birthing another human being.” Imagine your mother on a mechanical bull. See?

3. Invest in some self-exploration. Whether you’re reflecting through therapy, meditation, or an endless bowl of pappardelle, the important thing is to get in touch with the deepest parts of yourself before those parts are drowned out by the midnight screams of a colicky infant.

4. Devote a year to your career. While these days many women seem to have it all, it’s extremely hard to give both parenting and your career the full attention you’d like. Careers need nurturing just like children do. Before you start a family, consider spending a year focusing on clarifying and advancing your career goals.

5. Learn how to cook. The reason for this is twofold: 1) cooking can be a relaxing, enjoyable, and even luxurious activity when you have the time for it; 2) it will come in handy when your four-year-old decides she will only eat foods that are white.

6. Do something dangerous. Diving out of planes, running with the bulls, and climbing Mt. Everest should not be something you have to discuss with your life insurance agent.

7. Get a degree. Chances are if you wait until after you have kids to go back to school, you’ll never do it. Telling your kids to do their homework is a lot less effective when you’re procrastinating on your own.

8. Sow your wild oats. Whatever that means to you. No judgment.

9. Go to a topless beach. Even if you manage to avoid the pancake situation that follows breast-feeding, unless you’re Heidi Klum, your post-baby body is going to look like a mean joke compared to your pre-baby body. Take the girls out now before they start to feel like udders.

10. Learn a second language. If you think you’ll have space in your brain to learn Spanish, Japanese, or even pig Latin when half of your gray matter is devoted to things like your child’s classmates’ food allergies and what time ballet ends on Tuesdays in the summer, bless you.

11. Take an epic road trip. It will be a lot more fun for everyone involved if there’s not a Greek chorus of “Are we there yet?” coming from the backseat.

12. Quit your job. Living on ramen noodles for three months while you search for a job you like better is heroic. Making your kids eat ramen noodles for three months while you search for a job you like better is child abuse.

13. Sleep in. Get it while you can.

divinecaroline.com
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Funny cartoon of the day

Funny cartoon of the day